With the ice last week, I was feeling super lethargic.  I didn’t get as much work done as I usually do.  I met with my coach on Friday so I told her that I needed help with motivation.  That it was icy and gloomy and I couldn’t get anything done.  She (annoyingly) didn’t tell me how to be more motivated.
Instead she asked me “who determines how much work you should get done?”  She asked me “what is wrong with being unmotivated?”  She (super annoyingly) asked me “what does it say about you as a person if you don’t get a lot of work done in a week?”  I mean, REALLY?  Can’t I just get a motivation pill or something?

You see it everywhere.  “NEW YEAR, NEW YOU!”  As if, come January 1st, you are going to be a completely different person. How many ways can we decide that this statement is a bunch of marketing BS?

1. The word “new” creates a resounding image of youth that our society already seems obsessed with.  The idea that this “new you” will somehow look/feel/present as someone much younger is deeply intertwined in this.  If it wasn’t, the expression would be “another year, another you.”
2. Which brings up a good “multiple personality” type point.  Why does the new year mean that you have to change who you are?  If you drastically change who you are every single year, wouldn’t that be a little weird?  How often in a lifetime does a person need to completely re-invent themself?  Won’t their friends get confused?  (“I loved the world traveler version of Nancy but this supplement pushing salesperson she became on Jan 1 is super annoying.”) Sometimes we only need self-discovery in limited amounts.

What stories are you telling yourself?  (Part two) Last month I talked about the story I told myself about my weight being the reason I couldn’t run anymore.  The stories we tell ourselves can be so hard to discover much less dismantle. We often look for evidence to support the stories we make up.  You can thank your brain (who really prefers the status quo) for that one.  ​

I used to tell myself that I couldn’t run anymore.  When I was younger, I loved to run.  It was great for my heart, for my legs and most importantly for my mental health.  But as I got older, running became more difficult.  My knees hurt. My ankles hurt. I gained weight and I told myself that the weight was stressing my joints.  That in order to run I needed to be thinner, so I stopped running.  ​

Have you ever had a toddler lovingly cram a cookie into your mouth? My kids certainly did this and I’ve seen other kids do the same. They are so exhilarated at the concept of the cookie that they simply must share it with you. It’s startling and sometimes gross yet we laugh and love the enthusiasm toddlers have for food. Toddlers are the best intuitive eaters.

​I’ve recently gone back and read the book Intuitive Eating (IE) by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch.  I say “gone back” because I felt as if I had already read it.  I’ve read many books that reference their work (such as Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison and The Eating Instinct by Virginia Sole -Smith). I’ve even done the workbook that accompanies the book but finally getting to read the book that is considered the reference for so many others was needed. It is an older book; written in originally in 1995 (though it has been updated many times).  So what is intuitive eating?
Read the book! Hahaha.  Sorry, couldn’t help myself. I’m not here to rehash the whole book for you but I did want to talk about some of the concepts in the book that have changed my life dramatically. I’d also like to share some simple ways that you can start eating intuitively although I will warn you. Intuitive eating isn’t one of those things you do a little bit. As the great Yoda said “Do or do not. There is no try.” (Ah, Yoda life lessons!!)
One of the big concepts of Intuitive Eating was one of the hardest for me.  It is “give yourself unconditional permission to eat.” 
Like ANYTHING. ANYTIME.

This is Samuel my walking partner, coworker and constant companion.

​The other day we were out walking and I thought about some things.  When I take Samuel for a walk, he doesn’t count steps.  He doesn’t worry about the distance we have gone or the time we have spent on our strides.  He does stop and smell the “roses” (or the duck poop, whichever he finds first).  He does notice the sights and sounds that surround him.  When we stop, he pauses to feel the breeze on his dark chocolate nose.  He says “hello” to every single person we pass by.  Samuel knows how to take a walk at a level I admire.  He savors every moment.  When the we return home, if he is tired, he rests.  If he wants more, he goes to the backyard and lays down in the sun and lets it bake into his skin like lemon cupcakes in the oven.

I took my kids to the dentist finally (after avoiding it due to the pandemic) and wouldn’t you know, cavities galore. The dentist said the teeth look good on the outsides but between the teeth is where the cavities are. “Have you been flossing their teeth?” Uh. I’m bathed in guilt. But that’s just the beginning. The amount of guilt I feel daily is astounding.
I feel guilty when the dog doesn’t get his walk or wash, when the kids have too much screen time, when I don’t get the Book Club book read, when the kids sleep past eight, when I sleep past seven, when I don’t do the dishes, when I don’t cook home cooked meals, when I don’t bake cookies and when I don’t get my mammogram. Like that isn’t enough I regularly feel guilt about not doing enough: showering, meditating, working, learning new skills, reading to the kids and homeschooling. Ya, it’s a lot.

Happy New Year Casa Family!!!  We made it to 2021! This past year was like no other. We experienced it all...this year long dumpster fire burning with suffering, healing, uncertainty, love, fear, and joy. We were forced to get still, to see what was working for us and to let go of what was definitely not.
Inevitably, this time of year brings with it the dreaded New Year’s Resolutions.  These resolutions incite a panic in us or (maybe a funk?) Whatever the mood it seems equal parts antipathy and aversion. Uggggh. 

My body is changing with age.  Because of society’s ideas about age, it can be a difficult burden at times.  To see my skin wrinkle and my waistline widen. I’m lucky to be the owner of a studio filled with (quite a few) women who are older than me. I get the opportunity to allow their years of wisdom to rain down on me.  They probably don’t know it but I seek out those sprinkles of wisdom that only seem to come with age.  Here’s what I’ve discovered.  

Older women don’t give a F*CK what you think about them.  ​